I feel I know Donald Trump in a personal and non-fake way, I am proud to say, and he is a kind, warm-hearted man whose only interest in life is using the Presidency of the United States to make everyone in the world happy and rich.
Since “happiness” and “richness” are, as psychologists tell us every day, states of mind, Donald does his noble work through Twitter where he can reach out to those with happiness and richness spiritual deficits and bring them along to self-fulfillment.
Twitter allows him to perform this noble mission in the simplest, most easily understood language of the great masses of humanity. Meaning our God-given English language in 140 characters or less. Just as Jesus did with those short, snappy parables of his.
(I know I should have said “fewer” there but, as Donald knows, good grammar and spelling are elitist tricks sponsored by that wiretapping Nigerian former U.S. President and his fellow travelers to divert us from Donald’s good work and the high praise he deserves for it.)
It is not enough for me to say that I find Donald noble and praiseworthy. No, there are never enough accolades (Hosanna in the highest!) to heap on this fine man. For instance:
Do you know that all those years Donald was amassing and losing fortunes built on the scant billion dollars lent him by his father with no expectation of repayment, Donald donated most of his money to anonymous charities and kept back only a little to furnish in gold plate his small penthouse mansions in New York City in which to keep his various wives and children in semi-splendor?
There is the nobility of the man! He gave to the poor. He sheltered the lost and miserable. He met strangers and treated them as angels. He sponsored whole hosts of charities and said nothing about it, so modest and kind-hearted is he.
Do you know that Donald has a yuge plan to rebuild America in his own noble image starting with the falling bridges and potholed highways and proceeding on to the reeducation camps called voucher-based schools and the elimination of pesky newspapers?
Do you know he has a plan to insure your comfortable old age and your health, both plans focused keenly on the good psychology of the “happiness” and “richness” states of mind? When in old age or sickness you are feeling a little bit down or hungry, just concentrate on the concepts of “happiness” and “richness” and you, following our noble leader Donald, will be all right.
If, of course, you have the grave misfortune to be black or yellow or red or some other color or race other than white, such as Democrat, or female or gay or transgendering or poor or blue collar or white collar or pink collar or redneck or trailer trash or illegal alien or some other of all those very popular genders these days that do not fit into the billionaire class, all of which The Donald celebrates in his magnificent low-key way, then you, too, can feel better about your wrong racial/sexual/religious/economic choices in life by concentrating on happiness and richness and Donald’s stratospherically high popularity ratings and magnificent Inauguration Day (now a public holiday by executive order) crowds.
If, in some bizarre moment of weakness, you doubt this solution to all your woes, tune in to Fox News or the next White House press briefing, if there ever is one again, and enjoy an upbeat moment to join his paid crowd cheering The Donald and that will cure you.
We all are on a new path behind our dear leader toward untold happiness and richness, and you better believe it.
© 2017 Boomers End